As we examine our life, no matter how far we are into it, we can see in retrospect choices or opportunities that seemed to change our course. We made agonized decisions or we dove unthinkingly into coincidence and instinct, but either way we look back and see certain moments as pivotal. More often than not we over-think decisions that in retrospect seem to not matter at all in the long run. On the other hand those places where our heart drew us against conventional wisdom or without much consideration of pros and cons are often the treasured sparks of inspiration and alignment that we can identify as essential to our stories. For myself I can look back and finger certain experiences as key to my personality – the second time I watched Star Wars (I was a too young the first), my first experience living abroad, my fatigue with academia at the exact moment I should have been applying to grad schools, that part-time job in a wine shop that led to a fulfilling 18 year career, meeting my exquisite husband, and Yoga teacher training. They almost all had this in common: they were not forgettable events at the time, but they also didn’t have an exponentially greater sense of importance than other happenings in my exciting life. In other words, in the moment I was not fully conscious of the shift that took place in me and how it would change my life. Yoga teacher training was different.
I was aware during that first weekend of training that my life had changed. My
sensory experience was different, my attitude was different, my relationships were different, and I knew it right away. I sat at the dinner table with my husband and told him that I moved through the world with a fresher understanding, one that made so much more sense than any of the ideas I had explored up until then. You may say I was on the cusp of some of the realizations that came to me. I had been reading, listening, talking and thinking in terms of spiritual and ethical considerations since I was a teenager. (It was not until later, by the way, that I welcomed the body into these contemplations. The mind and body were quite separate things to me at that time.) Not everyone’s experience is guaranteed to be so dramatic but I have never met anyone who regretted embarking on Yoga teacher training, even those who don’t formally teach Yoga.
I had two “yoga moments,” within a short space of time. For two years I had been putting my honest best into a job that offered financial rewards and prestige. In my heart though, I dreaded going through what I saw as ethically bankrupt interactions. As part of Yoga class one day, my beloved teacher and friend Toni Gilroy quoted Seane Corn that “Being inauthentic is exhausting. Being true to your self is effortless.” I started crying and couldn’t stop. Downward Dog with tears in my nose – not feeling pretty I can tell you. A few weeks later Toni announced Vinyasa teacher training to be held in the same facility where I took classes. I didn’t know what Vinyasa was! I didn’t care. My heart absolutely doubled in size and I teared up again (like I do every time I think of Han Solo shooting Darth Vader’s tie fighter out of the trench so Luke could blow up the Death Star).
Without knowing what would come of it, I committed to become a yoga teacher. I
would learn how to pass on what my teachers taught me. I would learn how to be something different than what I had been– something I believe I was meant to be. Of course I had my moments of doubt, of being too much in my head. Occasionally I equivocated that I would only teach part time, or that I would only study to deepen my own practice. These are both outstanding paths that completely legitimize teacher training. But for myself I knew from that first weekend that taking all the skills I had used to other aims in prior occupations, and adding to them from the bottomless well that is contemporary Yoga would help me continue a Dharmic path that looking back would seem inevitable, led as it was by my heart’s true desire.
I have several times now thrown everything up in the air, and trusted that things would fall into place when I needed them to be there. The first time I did it, a friend shared with me this quote by W.H. Murray, and it has inspired me ever since.
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:
‘Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!’ ”
Yoga For All Beings teacher training starts September 2015. Be bold! Begin. Join us..